I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
