She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
