why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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