Where is the hickey?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
