My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
