I'm so fucking centered right now
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my being single is dangerous.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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