I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
