I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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