not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
