Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
