It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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