i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
