You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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