i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
