Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
