she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
