i just wanna soil my oats bro
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
