dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
