piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
