I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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