We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You left your phone here
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