I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I could fuck to npr.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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