you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
