I want to have your abortion
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
