A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
