i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
