I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have fence marks all over my body
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
