If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
