So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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