made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
