She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
