Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
