I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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