just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
