i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
