Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
