She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
