Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
