Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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