Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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