If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
