Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
