I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
