I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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