There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
