his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
