As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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