as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
