well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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