don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pants are for mortals
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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