apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
