He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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