Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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