I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
